The morning after the bottle...

                                       

                    

  We've all done it.

Started a new diet...created a rigorous workout routine...and then royally fucked it up by drinking a bottle of delicious red wine. 

I consumed 700 calories in just one bottle of wine last night.

I'm overcome with bloating, the runs, and purple teeth. 

With a little bit of Midol, toilet paper, and whitening toothpaste, I can fix these problems...but what am I to do about all those extra calories? 

                                          I'll tell you what I did. 

My mother always told me "Nicole, you can't floss away 6 months of plaque the night before going to the dentist".  I CALL BULLSHIT! Like hell I can! Just like I'm going to burn off all 700 calories of wine I engulfed by rigorously exercising the morning after. 

The Plan: To burn at least 1/2 of the calories I consumed the night before to rid myself of guilt. 

Step #1: Jumping Rope 

First off, it's important to know that I'm a master jump-roper. Its one of my hobbies and I happen to enjoy it (at least until the boob job). Now it's just awkward.   Any who...

Making sure your jump rope is the correct length is key. Most people don't know that a jump rope is supposed to fit right under your armpits when standing on it. 

Creating a routine like, apart/together, side to side, front to back, left/right foot, double jumps, and cross overs, will alleviate boredom and keep you focused. 

I did these maneuvers for a little over 15 minutes. I had to stop a few times to skip some songs on my Pandora station, but for the most part, it was consistent jumping. 

15-20 mins of Jump Rope: Close to 300 calories

Step #2: A mild run

I hate running. I actually despise it. For a person with a moderate case of A.D.D, its mentally painful to jog for long periods at a time. I'd be lying to myself if I denied it's benefits and I ultimately feel much better by doing it. 

I mapped out a mile and forced myself to jog/run the entire thing. 

One mile run:  Around 150 calories (depending on intensity)

Step #3: Abs 

After sweating my f'n ass off, I decided to attack my spare tire. Even though I've convinced myself that I'm not fat, I'm just permanently swollen, it's still nice to 'feel the burn' when doing these moves. I'm not a numbers person, so I do my exercises for time. 

-30 seconds of "v" ups

-30 seconds of tuck ups

-30 seconds of fluttering (up on my elbows)

-30 seconds of hip lifts

-30 seconds of side crunches (left/right)

-30 seconds of "Mike Tyson's" 

*Repeat 3 times

9 minutes of abs:  Who gives a shit how many calories it burned...I got rid of my gas; so therefor it's a priceless exercise in my opinion. 

This is not a workout routine, nor am I giving you my "expert" advice on how to get in shape (lord knows I'm no physical specimen). This is just a simple way to rid yourself of the guilt you earned by drinking yourself into an oblivion the night before. Enjoy!